My sister Katie is eleven years younger than me and lives in New York with her husband and nine month old baby boy, Sawyer.  The night before her wedding day I was writing notes for my maid of honor speech and it dawned on me that she was never coming home. I don't know why it took until that night to realize it but for whatever reason that's when it happened. When she was younger Katie attended college in Santa Barbara, studied abroad in Australia, lived in Reno with our folks a while then moved to Boston where she met Ethan. 

Our relationship has evolved from big sister/little sister to just sisters and a single day does not go by that I don't realize how lucky I am to have her. 

Sister

Over a decade apart we are

And I was more like a mom to you for years

Holding and comforting you

And wiping off your tears

Now we are older

And a new relationship is there

A best friend, my sister

So very deeply I care

You are married now

And live too far away

I realized you would stay there

On your beautiful wedding day

How cruel that this happened

Just when it got so good

I think I took us for granted

I never really understood

What it meant to have an equal

From the same family tree

Someone who knows what it means

To be you and to be me

I took a great class in college and learned that the description of an introvert is a little different than I thought. What she told us was that an introvert can love being around people and enjoy social events, however it takes a great deal of energy. An extrovert gains their energy doing these things. Now I understand why spending time alone makes me feel so good and so energized. It all makes sense now! haha 

My husband and I are alike in many different ways but in the areas we are different - we are actually quite opposite. Somehow it works though. I wrote this quick little poem sitting in class (when I should have been listening to the instructor).

Wallflower

I plant myself like I always do

In the corner next to someone I know

You make sure I am cozy and safe

Then you’re off, there you go

I smile at you and you smile back

From across the room when our eyes meet

What is easy for you to visit with all

For me would be such a feat

Alone on a chair by the ocean blue

Feeling the breeze with my eyes closed

Sitting still for you is not easy

But you do it for me, you are not opposed

What gives you strength makes me tired

Somehow it balances out, I don’t ask why

I do know that I am glad you are with me

I am the wallflower and you are the butterfly

Now I let my roots grow a bit

But I know I can be me too

That’s how the combination works so well

Me and beautiful, social you

Grandma's Buffalo Chip Cookies

I cherish a hand-written card containing the ingredients and directions for baking one of my favorite cookie recipes from my grandmother, Katie Doshier. I remember asking her for the recipe and she ran down to my house (I was living across the street from my grandparents at the time) and wrote it out for me on a pink index card. Her cursive is perfect and proper. 

She has been gone over a decade and each time I see her hand-writing my heart swells as do the tears in my eyes. My entire family has fond memories of Grandma's many different cookies and during the holidays we get together to recreate the amazing tastes and smells that used to come from her kitchen. These cookies are just too good not to share with everyone. Enjoy!

BUFFALO CHIP COOKIES

from Allie Schroder to Kay Doshier (what she wrote on the card).

1 lb melted, cooled butter

2 cups brown sugar

2 cups white sugar

4 eggs

4 cups flour, sifted

2 tsp baking soda

2 tsp vanilla

2 cups quick oatmeal

2 cups crushed cornflakes

6 oz. semi-sweet chocolate chips

6 oz. butterscotch chips

Cream melted butter, sugars and eggs, vanilla and mix well. Sift flour and baking soda together and add to the butter/sugar mixture. Stir in chocolate chips and butterscotch chips. For 6 inch cookies make 2 oz balls and flatten with the palm of hand or fork. Makes 30 - 32 large cookies. For smaller cookies, make a 1 inch ball. You will get 6 - 7 dozen of the smaller (normal size, really) cookies. Bake until golden brown at 375 degrees. 

Golden brown - I usually check them after about 8 minutes. I'm bad about using a timer.

Brain Injury Walk for Thought

In 1996 my brother was in a rollover automobile accident and sustained a Traumatic Brain Injury.  He was 20 years old at the time and studying to be an air traffic controller in the US Marines in Yuma, Arizona.  Erich spent about one year in the hospital in a coma, he slowly awakened and learned how to walk, talk and eat all over again. He is truly a miracle. Throughout his recovery Erich has maintained his sense of humor and his artistic abilities. He paints and draws and has even been highlighted at art shows in Reno and sold several pieces of art.  He has very typical effects of a brain injury: limited physical mobility, short-term memory problems and the lack of a filter when speaking or acting at times (which can sometimes be entertaining but also get him in trouble). He has lived with my parents since he was released from the hospital and recently moved with my mom to Roseville, California. 

Recently I realized that quite a bit of my time, thoughts and stress has been revolved around my other brother and reacting to the issues he has been dealing with. I have been focusing a lot of negative attention which when I think about it has been happening a lot the past couple of years. So…I decided to be proactive and take a day to put positive attention on my brother Erich and honor him and all that he’s been through.  My mom and aunt came in from out of town and seven of us spent the morning in the rain getting information and resources that could benefit him and my mom.  Erich had a great time grooving to the music! 

Next year we plan to do the walk again. I already told Erich to start working on a logo and I will create t-shirts for Team Erich 2013. Can’t wait!

Special thanks to my husband Tom, mom Josette, aunt Tricia, daughter Kim, son Max and especially my little brother Erich for being here today!!!

3/31/12

Poetry - California Sunset

My husband Tom and I spent the night in Carmel recently and I took photos of the beautiful sunset. The photo below is my favorite. I must stick my toes in the sand at least once each month or I just don't feel right. Hope you enjoy.

California Sunset

The rippled and mirrored glass see reflects the sun in its orange and pink glory

Barefoot lovers huddle close under blankets awaiting the magic of the sun lowering into the abyss

Blue waves diminish into small layers of foaming salt water gently crashing upon the shore

Mist sprays the Cypress trees and kisses the faces of onlookers gathered in awe

Closed eyes strengthen other senses and I hear the birds and the sound of sand sliding

I feel so small facing such a big beautiful monster

The sun and warmth disappear and the beach is deserted except for a few who brave the cold to linger.

Breathe.

I am centered. I know where I come from. Breathe in. breathe out.

Love is possible, beauty is everywhere waiting to be discovered, and a new day begins.

Poetry - Fantasy Baseball

I was driving back to work from lunch recently and saw a homeless woman on the street enjoying her own game of fantasy baseball...

Fantasy Baseball

Singing in my car, waiting on a traffic light

I see a homeless woman pushing a grocery cart filled with her life

Torn pants that stop just under her knee

Resting above layers of holy socks pulled up as high as they can stretch

Dirty sweater pulled over mismatched rag of another sweater

Rain poncho fashioned from a black trash bag with strategic holes for her arms

My eyes widen as I watch her begin to dance in the rain

Sun-ravaged face aged well beyond her years

Old combat boots that suddenly move like light ballerina slippers

She dances, leaping and twirling on her toes

Stopping for a moment to take aim she transforms into a ballplayer

and throws an imaginary baseball into the outfield!

Kicking up her back leg she keeps her balance

The twirling starts again as she warms up for the next play by wildly swinging her arms

This time she is at home plate, readying her invisible bat

She hunches her suddenly nimble body down and expression is serious

The imaginary pitch comes and BOOM!

She swings and it’s a hit!

She holds her hands above her eyes to see how far the ball has traveled

She smiles for a moment, turns and continues pushing her cart down the sidewalk

The traffic light turns green and we both move on.